🎵 “Let It Happen” – EOA What the Hell Do We Do All Day? (Tame Impala)
Keeping a Younger Spouse With Alzheimer’s Busy, Engaged & Useful
Here's a question I didn't expect to be asking in my 50s:
How do I entertain my husband all day?
Seriously.
Think about the weird situation Early Onset Alzheimer's creates.
Your spouse may be retired years—or decades—before they ever expected to be.
But you're still working.
They may be physically healthy.
The aren't necessarily ready to sit in a recliner watching The Price Is Right all day.
They want to GO.
They want something to do.
And sometimes you hear:
“What are we doing today?”
Followed approximately 14 minutes later by:
“What are we doing today?”
And I'm sitting at my computer thinking:
I'M WORKING. That's what we're doing today.
Welcome to another weird little corner of Early Onset Alzheimer's.
🧠 They May Have Lost Their Job — Not Their Need for Purpose
This is something I think we underestimate.
For decades, our spouses had responsibilities.
Work.
Kids.
A house.
Projects.
Appointments.
Coworkers.
Deadlines.
Exercise.
Errands.
Then Alzheimer's comes along and slowly starts removing those things.
Driving goes.
Work goes.
Managing money goes.
Running errands alone goes.
And eventually we're telling them:
“Don't touch that.”
“I'll do it.”
“Wait for me.”
“You can't go by yourself.”
Imagine how incredibly boring that must become.
And with younger-onset Alzheimer's, you may have someone who is still physically capable of doing a lot.
So I've started thinking less about:
“How do I entertain him?”
and more about:
“How do I give him something meaningful to do?”
There's a difference.
🌱 What Has Worked in Our House
I've learned that simple is better.
Not a giant project.
Not six instructions.
Not:
"Go outside, trim the bushes, put everything in the lawn bags, bring the tools back into the garage and then take the trash cans out."
That's a lot of information.
Instead:
One job.
“Can you water these plants?”
Done.
Then:
“Can you bring the trash cans up?”
Done.
Then maybe:
“Let's cut this branch.”
One task.
One direction.
One win.
🪴 Give Them Real Jobs
I've had success finding little things around the house that still feel like work, because they are work.
Things like:
Watering plants
Picking up sticks
Bringing trash cans in
Sweeping the patio
Wiping down outdoor furniture
Window Washing
Pulling weeds
Picking up leaves
Carrying light groceries
Vacuuming my truck
I stand with him and help him pump my gas
Folding towels/Laundry
Matching socks
Sorting things
Putting safe items away
Helping wash the car
Unloading the dishwasher
Dusting
Wiping the granite
Feeding pets
Filling bird feeders
The trick for us is making the job visible and specific.
Not:
“Go work in the yard.”
Instead:
“Pick up these sticks and put them here.”
And I can demonstrate the first one.
Sometimes once he sees it...
he's got it.
🧹 Don't Correct Everything
This one has taken some work for me.
Does it really matter if the towels aren't folded exactly the way I fold them?
No.
Does it matter if he waters the same plant twice?
Probably not.
Is the trash can sitting three feet from where I would put it?
WHO CARES.
If it's safe and he's accomplishing something independently, I'm learning to leave it alone.
The goal isn't perfection.
The goal is participation.
🚶 MOVE THE BODY
For us, physical activity has been huge.
And frankly, when you're dealing with someone younger and physically fit, they may need to burn off some energy.
Depending on your person's abilities and what their medical team considers safe:
🚶 Walking
🚲 Bike riding on familiar safe routes
🏋️ Working out
🏠 Simple workouts at home
🧘 Stretching
🌳 Yard work
🐕 Walking the dog
🏊 Swimming with supervision
🎵 Dancing in the living room
Exercise isn't just something to fill time.
Physical activity can support overall health, sleep, mood and function.
But safety changes as Alzheimer's progresses.
A bike route that was fine last year may not be fine this year.
A gym they could navigate independently may eventually require someone with them.
Keep reassessing.
🏋️ The Gym Can Be an Activity
The gym has worked well for us, but only because he has done it for his whole life, a person who neveer worked out, probably would not have the muscle memory for it.
Familiar machines.
Familiar movements.
Pictures on the equipment showing what to do.
And sometimes if he isn't sure?
He watches someone else.
That procedural or “muscle memory” can sometimes help people continue familiar activities after other cognitive abilities have become difficult.
But again:
Watch for the change.
Can they still navigate the gym?
Find the bathroom?
Use equipment safely?
Recognize when they're tired?
Find you? (let the staff know what he has)
Get home? (I take him and do treadmill)
Eventually the answer may change.
🃏 Brain Work Without Making It Feel Like School
I don't want every day to feel like:
WELCOME TO ALZHEIMER'S REHAB.
Sometimes an activity should just be fun.
We've moved toward simpler games.
Things that don't require remembering twelve rules or developing a five-step strategy.
Try:
🃏 Solitaire
🧩 Simple puzzles
🀄 Matching games
🔍 Word searches
🔢 Simple number games
🎴 Sorting cards by suit or color
🖼️ Matching pictures
📱 Simple tablet games
🧱 Building or arranging objects
🎨 Coloring or painting
The sweet spot is:
Challenging enough to engage them, but not difficult enough to constantly remind them of what they've lost.
If an activity creates frustration every time...
Dump it.
This isn't an SAT prep course.
🔎 “Find It” Games Are Surprisingly Useful
Turn everyday life into an activity.
One thing I see is Rob loves to take pictures and text my MIL, so I say, o you should send Gigi some pictures of that....
At the grocery store:
“Can you find the bananas?”
Then:
“Let's find the milk.”
At home:
“Can you find three towels?”
Outside:
“Let's find all the sticks in the yard.”
You're incorporating:
Movement.
Visual scanning.
Recognition.
Following directions.
Purpose.
And you're doing it without sitting across the table saying:
“Today we're doing cognitive exercises.”
🎵 MUSIC. MUSIC. MUSIC.
Make playlists from their era.
Not yours necessarily.
Theirs.
Songs from:
High school.
College.
Your wedding.
Road trips.
Concerts.
Their working years.
Let them sing.
Dance.
Drum on the table.
Finish lyrics.
Or just listen.
Music can reach people in ways ordinary conversation sometimes can't.
And it doesn't require them to remember what happened yesterday to enjoy what's happening right now.
📸 Use Their OWN Life for Activities
Generic memory worksheets have their place.
But I'd rather use things that actually mean something.
Old photographs.
Wedding albums.
Vacation pictures.
Pictures of the kids.
Cars they owned.
Former coworkers.
Their hometown.
Favorite sports teams.
Family videos.
Ask simple questions.
Not:
“What year was this and where were we?”
That's a test.
Instead:
“Look how little the kids were here.”
Then let the conversation go wherever it goes.
If the story isn't perfectly accurate?
Sometimes that's okay too.
We're connecting.
We're not fact-checking.
🛠️ Start With Who They Were BEFORE Alzheimer's
This may be my biggest recommendation.
Don't Google:
“Activities for dementia patients.”
Start by asking:
What did MY person love?
A former salesperson may enjoy talking to people.
A mechanic may enjoy sorting tools or washing a car.
A gardener may still love planting.
A cook may be able to stir, measure or wash vegetables with supervision.
An athlete may want movement.
Someone who worked in an office may enjoy sorting mail or organizing something.
A grandparent may enjoy looking at pictures or doing something simple with grandchildren.
You're not trying to invent a new person.
You're adapting the old person's interests to the brain they have today.
🚫 Be Careful About Making Adult Activities Feel Childish
This matters particularly to me with Early Onset.
A 58-year-old man with Alzheimer's is still...
a 58-year-old man.
He may enjoy a simple matching game.
Great.
But that doesn't mean he needs cartoon puppies and preschool worksheets.
Look for adult-looking activities with simplified cognitive demands.
Woodworking-style sorting.
Sports puzzles.
Car pictures.
Nature.
Travel.
Music.
Adult coloring.
Large-piece landscape puzzles.
Simple card games.
The cognitive level may change.
Their dignity doesn't.
📅 Build a Loose Daily Rhythm
I've found that too much empty time isn't necessarily our friend.
It doesn't have to be a military schedule.
But a rhythm can help.
Morning: Breakfast → hygiene → walk/exercise
Late morning: Simple household job
Lunch: Eat → rest
Afternoon: Puzzle/game/music/yard activity/Shower
Later: Walk, gym, outing or another simple task
Evening: Dinner → familiar television/music → wind down
And here's the important part:
You don't have to fill every minute.
People are allowed to be bored.
They're allowed to nap.
They're allowed to stare outside.
They're allowed to do absolutely nothing.
So are we.
💜 And What About the Caregiver Who Still Has to WORK?
This is the elephant in the room.
You cannot be:
Spouse.
Caregiver.
Cruise director.
Personal trainer.
Occupational therapist.
Activities director.
Cook.
Driver.
AND full-time employee...
every minute of every day.
Eventually, you may need other people in the rotation.
Adult day programs.
Friends.
Family.
Respite caregivers.
Companions.
Memory cafés.
Community programs.
Exercise groups.
Dementia programs.
GUIDE respite if eligible.
Because “keep your person engaged” should not translate into:
“The caregiver must personally entertain another adult for 14 hours every day.”
That's not sustainable.
🧠 Watch for the Activity Becoming Too Hard
Here's another Alzheimer's lesson:
Something that works beautifully today...
may stop working.
Watch for:
Frustration.
Anger.
Giving up.
Confusion.
Anxiety.
Repeated mistakes that create danger.
Wandering away from the activity.
Exhaustion.
Those aren't necessarily failures.
They may simply mean:
It's time to simplify again.
Twenty-piece puzzle instead of 100.
One plant instead of the entire garden.
Walk together instead of alone.
Fold towels instead of sorting the entire laundry.
And eventually...
Maybe just listen to music together.
We meet them where they are.
🎵 Why “Let It Happen”
Because I am slowly learning that I can't force the old life to continue exactly the way it was.
I can't force him to enjoy something because he used to enjoy it.
I can't force his brain to process a complicated activity.
And I can't spend every waking minute trying to prevent boredom.
Sometimes I set something up.
Give him a little direction.
Stand back.
And...
Let it happen.
If he waters one plant four times?
That plant is having a fantastic fucking day.
If the towels look terrible?
They're folded.
If we walk around the same neighborhood we've walked 400 times?
We're moving.
If he plays the same game every afternoon?
He's engaged.
Maybe Alzheimer's caregiving isn't always about finding the perfect activity.
Maybe it's about finding something they can still do successfully today.
And tomorrow?
We'll figure out tomorrow.
💜 Caregiver Question
What does your person still LOVE doing?
And what have you changed or simplified so they can keep doing it?
Share your weird successes too.
Because somewhere out there another caregiver is desperately Googling:
“WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH HIM ALL DAY?”
And your idea might give them an afternoon that works.
💬 Disclaimer
Keep in mind, I am writing this blog over years, not in one day- I repeat some things, but because it became more applicable today. I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
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