🎵 “Under Pressure” – EOA and Menopause together (Queen & David Bowie)
When Early Onset Alzheimer's Meets Menopause
Sometimes the cruelty of this disease is unbelievable.
Other times, I just have to laugh at the timing.
My husband gets Early Onset Alzheimer's at almost exactly the same stage of life that I enter menopause.
Really?
Who planned this?
Because trying to remain patient with someone whose brain is changing while your own hormones are packing their bags seems like a particularly cruel test.
One of us can't remember why he walked into the room.
The other one walked into the room and can't remember either.
This should go well.
🔥 Menopause Doesn't Care That You're a Caregiver
Alzheimer's quickly becomes the loudest thing in the family.
Doctors.
Medications.
Appointments.
Safety.
Finances.
Driving.
Behaviors.
The kids.
The future.
So when your own body starts changing, it's really easy to put yourself on the bottom of the list.
Hot flashes?
I'll deal with it.
Not sleeping?
I'm a caregiver. Of course I'm tired.
Weight changing?
I'm getting older.
Irritable?
Well...have you met my husband today?
😂
But eventually I started asking a different question:
How much of what I'm feeling is caregiving—and how much is ME?
Because menopause didn't disappear just because Alzheimer's showed up.
😴 First: How Are You Sleeping?
This is a big one.
Caregiving already makes good sleep difficult.
Then menopause can bring insomnia, night sweats and waking up feeling like someone turned the thermostat to Florida in July.
And everything is harder when I'm tired.
I'm less patient.
I'm hungrier.
I don't want to exercise.
I don't think as clearly.
Little things bother me more.
And patience is a pretty valuable commodity when you live with Alzheimer's.
So sleep became something I needed to pay attention to instead of just accepting exhaustion as part of the job.
What I did? Oura Ring- I love it my sister and I compare notes on sleeping each week, and Rob wears one (it also has location tracking so that is nice, and bonus AMEX Platinum gives you $200 credit back on it (it's 5.99 mo subscription).
Note if you put one on your Alz person their heart rate is extremly low- this is from aricept- we went to heart specialist, he said the man was perfectly physically fit and healthly and was not worried.
💊 Have You Had the Hormone Conversation?
I also think women our age should be able to talk openly with their doctors about menopause treatment.
That includes hormone replacement therapy.
Not because every woman needs HRT.
Not because it's right for everyone.
But because if you're having hot flashes, night sweats, sleep problems or other menopause symptoms that are affecting your quality of life, it's worth having the conversation.
Ask:
Am I a candidate for hormone therapy?
What are the benefits for me?
What are my individual risks?
Are there nonhormonal options?
What should we be watching as I get older?
Does insurance cover anything?
I spent so much time learning about his medications, his brain and his numbers that I realized I needed to start paying attention to mine too.
🚶♀️ Take Care of the Body Doing the Caregiving
Then there's exercise.
And that lovely middle section that seems to arrive after 40 without being invited.
Menopause can change body composition and where we tend to carry fat, particularly around the abdomen. At the same time, maintaining muscle and bone becomes increasingly important as we age.
I'm not talking about trying to get our 25-year-old bodies back.
Mine can stay in 1996.
I had fun with her. 😂
I'm talking about keeping this body strong.
Walk.
Lift weights.
Bike.
Swim.
Garden.
Go to the gym.
Whatever you're actually going to keep doing.
Because caregiving can become increasingly physical, and I want strength and mobility for my own future, not just so I can take care of somebody else.
🥗 Check Your Own Numbers
This is another thing that's easy to neglect.
We become experts on our spouse's health while barely paying attention to our own.
Here's some I had run by a HRT specialist lately- and guess what I was a mess, no wonder I was exhausted!
Cortisol
Testosterone
Estrogen
Progestrone
TSH- Free T3 and T4
A1C'Insulian
Vitamin D
Vitamin B
And the standards, so you know your numbers too.
Blood pressure.
Blood sugar.
Cholesterol.
Weight and waist changes if they're relevant to your health.
And keep up with the regular health screenings your doctor recommends.
You don't need to become obsessed with every number.
You just shouldn't be completely surprised by them either.
🧠 And Please Don't Blame Everything on Alzheimer's
This is probably the biggest thing I've learned.
Not his Alzheimer's.
Mine.
It's easy to explain everything I'm feeling through caregiving.
I'm tired because I'm a caregiver.
I'm anxious because I'm a caregiver.
I'm gaining weight because I'm stressed.
I'm not sleeping because I'm listening for him.
I'm irritable because he asked me the same question ten times.
And sometimes all of those things are true.
But sometimes there's something going on with me that deserves attention too.
Menopause.
Hormones.
Stress.
Blood sugar.
Sleep.
Nutrition.
Mental health.
Whatever it happens to be.
Having a sick spouse doesn't mean I stopped being a patient.
💜 What Are You Doing for YOU?
And I don't mean the generic caregiver advice:
“Don't forget self-care!” I remind you all through this journey, because early on I did (forget me)
I'm talking about actual things.
Did you make the doctor's appointment?
Did you ask about your hormones?
Did you take the walk?
Did you lift some weights?
Did you get a decent night's sleep?
Did you get your mammogram?
Did you get your bloodwork?
Did you go to therapy?
Did you make plans with a friend?
Did you do something this week that had absolutely nothing to do with Alzheimer's?
Those things count.
Maybe more than the bubble bath everyone keeps suggesting.
🎵 Why “Under Pressure”
Because that's exactly what this combination feels like sometimes.
His brain is changing.
My body is changing.
We're both getting older, just in very different ways than we expected.
And for a long time, his changes naturally got most of my attention.
I'm learning that mine deserve some too.
I can't control what Alzheimer's is doing to him.
But I can pay attention to what's happening to me.
I can ask questions.
I can get treatment when I need it.
I can work on my sleep.
I can move.
I can get stronger.
I can take care of my health.
Because there are two people going through this.
And one of them still has a very long life ahead of her.
I want to be healthy enough to enjoy it.
💬 DISCLAIMER
Keep in mind, I am writing this blog over years, not in one day- I repeat some things, but because it became more applicable today. I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
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