🎵 "Jesus, Take the Wheel" – EOA The Day We Took Away the Keys (Carrie Underwood)
- jessica97150
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
There are a few moments in Alzheimer's that change everything.
The diagnosis.
The first time they get lost.
The first time they don't recognize someone.
And then...
The driving.
For us, it happened long before I was emotionally ready.
💬 Disclaimer
I'm not a doctor, attorney, occupational therapist, or driving evaluator. I'm sharing our experience and general information that may help families start difficult conversations. Driving decisions should always involve medical professionals and appropriate evaluations.
🚗 How We Knew It Was Time
I knew it was time for Rob to stop driving after one particular parking lot incident.
Not because he got a ticket.
Not because he got lost.
Not because someone complained.
Because he hit a parked car.
Three times.
The same car.
In the same parking space.
He would back up.
Pull forward.
Hit it.
Back up again.
Pull forward.
Hit it again.
Back up.
Pull forward.
Hit it a third time.
Meanwhile, I am sitting there yelling:
"STOP! STOP! STOP!"
And the worst part?
He didn't understand what was happening.
A woman nearby was recording the entire thing on her phone.
We got parking lot security involved.
I explained my husband had a medical episode (to the lady recording and everyone involved)
We stayed. (Of course)
We waited for the owner to come out of work.
We exchanged information.
We paid for the repairs. (Out of pocket)
And thankfully no one was hurt.
But I learned something that day.
Don't wait until the bad thing happens.
Don't wait until someone gets injured.
Don't wait until a police officer, insurance company, or stranger forces the decision for you.
Because once that happens, it's already too late.
💔 What Driving Really Represents
When your spouse says:
"I can still drive."
What they're often saying is:
"I still matter."
"I still have independence."
"I still have freedom."
"I'm still me."
The fight is rarely about the car.
It's about identity.
Which is why this conversation is so emotional.
🧠 Early Warning Signs Families Miss
Most people don't go from safe driver to unsafe driver overnight.
The signs are often subtle at first.
🚩 Getting Lost
Missing familiar turns
Needing GPS in familiar areas
Confusion in neighborhoods they've known for years
🚩 Parking Problems
Crooked parking
Hitting curbs
New dents and scratches
🚩 Decision-Making Issues
Hesitating at intersections
Missing traffic signs
Driving too slowly or too fast
🚩 Passenger Anxiety
This is a big one.
If family members stop feeling safe riding with them, pay attention.
📋 What Is A Driving Assessment?
Many families don't realize these exist.
A driving assessment is usually performed by:
Occupational Therapists (OT)
Driver Rehabilitation Specialists
Hospital-based driving programs
Rehabilitation centers
The evaluation may include:
Clinical Testing
✔ Vision
✔ Cognitive skills
✔ Memory
✔ Judgment
✔ Reaction time
Road Testing
✔ Parking
✔ Turns
✔ Traffic situations
✔ Navigation
✔ Decision-making
Some people pass.
Some receive restrictions.
Some are advised to stop driving.
The goal isn't punishment.
The goal is safety.
🏛️ What About The DMV?
Most states have a process for reviewing medically impaired drivers.
The exact process varies.
Search your state's DMV website for:
Medical Review Program
Driver Medical Evaluation
Driver Safety Program
Medical Advisory Board
Driver Fitness Review
Many states allow:
Physician referrals
Family concerns
Medical evaluations
Retesting requirements
Some states may require:
Vision testing
Written testing
Road testing
Medical documentation
🔍 How To Find Your State's Rules
Search:
"[Your State] DMV Medical Review Program"
or
"[Your State] Driver Medical Evaluation"
Official DMV directories:
Always use official government websites for current information.
💡 How We Actually Got Him To Stop
Honestly?
Logic didn't work.
Facts didn't work.
Arguments didn't work.
The diagnosis didn't work.
What finally worked was talking about the family.
I stopped saying:
❌ "You can't drive."
And started saying:
✔ "What happens if someone gets hurt?"
✔ "What happens if a child runs in front of the car?"
✔ "What happens to our family?"
✔ "What happens if we lose everything because of one accident?"
That conversation landed differently.
Not perfectly.
But differently.
🚘 Alternatives To Driving
The goal isn't taking away freedom.
It's replacing it.
Consider:
Family rides
Friends
Uber (I found a local driver who shared his phone and will take him places if he texts)
Lyft
Community transportation
Senior transportation services
Caregivers
Delivery services
Every ride they don't take can still become an adventure.
⚠️ Don't Learn The Hard Way
One of the hardest lessons Alzheimer's teaches is this:
Just because someone remembers how to drive doesn't mean they can safely make driving decisions.
Driving requires:
Judgment
Reaction time
Attention
Problem solving
Spatial awareness
And Alzheimer's attacks all of those things.
Sometimes before families realize it.
🎵 Why "Jesus, Take the Wheel"
Because there comes a point where you're sitting in the passenger seat praying.
Praying they see the stop sign.
Praying they make the turn.
Praying nobody gets hurt.
Praying you know when it's time.
And eventually realizing:
The most loving thing you can do is take the keys.
Before the disease makes the decision for you.
💭 Final Thought
The day your spouse stops driving feels like a loss.
And it is.
But it's also protection.
For them.
For you.
For everyone sharing the road.
If you're questioning whether it's time, don't ignore that feeling.
Talk to the doctor.
Explore a driving assessment.
Research your state's DMV medical review process.
Because it's far better to have an uncomfortable conversation today than a tragic one tomorrow.
📋 Driving Safety Checklist
☐ Discuss concerns with neurologist
☐ Document warning signs
☐ Research driving assessment programs
☐ Review state DMV medical review process
☐ Create transportation alternatives
☐ Talk before a crisis occurs
☐ Protect dignity throughout the process
☑ Remember: Safety comes first
💬 Disclaimer
This post reflects personal caregiving experiences and general educational information. Driving decisions should be made with healthcare professionals, qualified evaluators, and consideration of applicable state laws and regulations. Always consult medical professionals and official DMV resources when evaluating driving safety.I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
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