🎵 “Tears in Heaven” – EOA When They Lose Someone… Differently (Eric Clapton)
Updated: Aug 23
What’s the worst thing that can happen on top of Alzheimer’s?
👉 Real life keeps happening.
Illness.,
Hospitals.
Loss.
And you’re expected to manage all of it…
👉 While managing a brain that can’t process it the same way anymore
💔 When It Happened
I was coming home from a week-long convention.
Rob had caregivers all week and was already:
Anxious
Overstimulated
Ready for his routine back
And as I got off the plane…
👉 I got the call
His dad had a major stroke.
He was in a coma.
⚠️ What Goes Through Your Mind (All at Once)
You don’t just react as a wife.
👉 You react as a caregiver
My checklist started immediately:
Make sure he eats
→ I knew this was going to be a long night
Prepare for the drive (1 hour)
→ Time + stress + unknown reaction
Prepare for HIS reaction
→ Anxiety?
→ Anger?
→ Confusion?
Prepare the hospital
→ I mentally walked through:
What if he escalates?
What if he doesn’t understand?
What if he panics?
👉 You’re managing two crises at once
I called ahead and explained the patient and that I was bringing in his son with EOA, be ready to de-escalate, be ready to sedate, the intial reaction was BAD.
💥 The Moment You Have to Tell Them
This is the part no one prepares you for.
I said, gently:
“Hey… Pop’s is in the hospital. We need to drive down there.”
And…
👉 The world exploded emotionally, I won't get into Dirty Deets, but it was ugly and it was bad.
🧠 Why It Hits So Hard
With Alzheimer’s, especially at this stage:
👉 They still FEEL deeply
👉 But they can’t PROCESS normally
So what you get is:
Big emotion
Little regulation
Confusion layered on top
💡 What I Was Told (And It Helped)
One of his caregivers (an Alzheimer’s LPN) told me:
👉 “Tell it like it is… but keep it simple”
Not:
Long explanations
Not overwhelming details
Just:
👉 Clear
👉 Calm
👉 Direct
🧠 How Someone with Alzheimer’s Processes Loss
It’s different.
💭 1. Immediate Emotional Reaction
Intense sadness
Anger
Fear
🔁 2. Repeated Grieving
This is the hardest part.
They may:
👉 Forget
👉 Ask again( 2 months later, still says "My Dad's dead?"
👉 Learn it again
👉 Grieve again
Over and over.
❓ The Question Everyone Asks
👉 “Do I tell them again?”
There is no perfect answer.
✔️ Some Choose:
Gentle reminders
Re-explaining each time
✔️ Others Choose:
Redirecting
Protecting them from repeated trauma
👉 Both are valid
It depends on:
Their emotional response
Their level of distress
Your ability to handle it
🪦 Funeral Decisions (Also Not Simple)
Do they go?
Ask yourself:
Will it comfort them?
Will it overwhelm them?
Will they understand what’s happening?
Sometimes:
👉 Being there helps
Other times:
👉 It creates more confusion and distress
⚖️ Your Grief vs. Their Grief
This is the part that breaks you.
👉 You are fully aware
👉 They are not fully processing
You are:
Grieving the loss
Managing logistics
Managing THEM
At the same time
💛 What I Learned
You cannot predict the reaction
You cannot control the moment
You can only prepare as best you can
And then…
👉 Ride it out
💡 Practical Tips (From Someone Who Lived It)
Keep explanations short
Stay calm (even when they’re not)
Have a plan before you speak
Feed them first (seriously—it matters)
Give yourself grace if it doesn’t go perfectly
🎵 Final Thought
“Would you know my name… if I saw you in heaven…”
They may not process loss the same way anymore.
But they still feel love.
And that still matters
💬 Disclaimer
Keep in mind, I am writing this blog over years, not in one day- I repeat some things, but because it became more applicable today. I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
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