🎵 “Little Lies” – EOA The Ones That Protect(Fleetwood Mac)
Updated: Jul 12
Let’s talk about something uncomfortable…
👉 The “white lies”
The ones you swore you would never tell.
The ones that feel:
Wrong
Dishonest
Not like you
And yet…
👉 You find yourself using them anyway
🧠 First – Let’s Reframe This
These are not lies to:
❌ Manipulate
❌ Control
❌ Deceive for personal gain
These are lies to:
👉 Reduce anxiety
👉 Prevent distress
👉 Keep things calm and safe
⚠️ Why “Truth” Doesn’t Always Work Anymore
In a normal relationship:
👉 Truth = respect
In Alzheimer’s:
👉 Truth can = trauma
Because they may:
Not understand it
Not remember it
Relive it over and over
💔 The Hard Example
You tell them:
👉 “Your dad passed away”
They react:
Shock
Grief
Confusion
Then…
👉 10 minutes later they ask again
Now what?
👉 Do you make them grieve over and over?
💡 This Is Where White Lies Come In
Instead of repeating trauma…
You might say:
👉 “He’s resting”
👉 “He’s being taken care of”
🧠 Why This Is Actually KINDNESS
Because the goal is no longer:
👉 Accuracy
The goal is:
👉 Emotional safety
😵 The Internal Struggle (For YOU)
Let’s be honest…
You’ll feel:
Guilty
Wrong
Like you’re betraying them
👉 That’s normal
Because you still think in a “healthy brain” mindset
💡 The Shift
You’re not lying to the person they were
👉 You’re adapting to the brain they have now
🎯 REAL-LIFE WHITE LIES (That Protect)
🚗 Driving
👉 “The car’s in the shop”
👉 “Insurance wants us to do this differently now”
Instead of:
❌ “You can’t drive anymore”
💊 Medications
👉 “Doctor wants us both taking these”
👉 “These will help you feel better”
Instead of:
❌ “You forgot again”
🏡 Leaving the House
👉 “We’ll go later”
👉 “It’s closed right now”
Instead of:
❌ “You can’t go”
👨👩👧👦 People Who Have Passed
👉 “They’re not here right now”
👉 “They’re being taken care of”
Instead of repeated grief cycles
💰 Finances
👉 “I’ve got it handled”
👉 “Everything’s taken care of”
Instead of:
❌ “You’re not capable of managing this”
⚖️ WHEN WHITE LIES ARE OKAY
Ask yourself:
👉 Does this reduce stress?
👉 Does this prevent harm?
👉 Does this keep things calm?
If yes…
👉 It’s not harmful—it’s protective
🚫 WHEN TO BE CAREFUL
Don’t use them to:
❌ Avoid important medical decisions
❌ Hide critical safety issues
❌ Dismiss real needs
💛 THE BIG TRUTH
This isn’t about honesty anymore.
👉 It’s about compassion
🎵 Why This Song Fits
“Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…”
Because sometimes…
👉 The gentle version of the truth is the kindest one
💭 Final Thought
You are not:
👉 A liar
You are:
👉 A protector
👉 A stabilizer
👉 The one keeping the world from falling apart for them
💬 Disclaimer
I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
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