🎵 “Tears in Heaven” – When They Lose Someone… Differently (Eric Clapton)
- jessica97150
- Apr 21
- 3 min read
What’s the worst thing that can happen on top of Alzheimer’s?
👉 Real life keeps happening.
Illness.,
Hospitals.
Loss.
And you’re expected to manage all of it…
👉 While managing a brain that can’t process it the same way anymore
💔 When It Happened
I was coming home from a week-long convention.
Rob had caregivers all week and was already:
Anxious
Overstimulated
Ready for his routine back
And as I got off the plane…
👉 I got the call
His dad had a major stroke.
He was in a coma.
⚠️ What Goes Through Your Mind (All at Once)
You don’t just react as a wife.
👉 You react as a caregiver
My checklist started immediately:
Make sure he eats
→ I knew this was going to be a long night
Prepare for the drive (1 hour)
→ Time + stress + unknown reaction
Prepare for HIS reaction
→ Anxiety?
→ Anger?
→ Confusion?
Prepare the hospital
→ I mentally walked through:
What if he escalates?
What if he doesn’t understand?
What if he panics?
👉 You’re managing two crises at once
I called ahead and explained the patient and that I was bringing in his son with EOA, be ready to de-escalate, be ready to sedate, the intial reaction was BAD.
💥 The Moment You Have to Tell Them
This is the part no one prepares you for.
I said, gently:
“Hey… Pop’s is in the hospital. We need to drive down there.”
And…
👉 The world exploded emotionally, I won't get into Dirty Deets, but it was ugly and it was bad.
🧠 Why It Hits So Hard
With Alzheimer’s, especially at this stage:
👉 They still FEEL deeply
👉 But they can’t PROCESS normally
So what you get is:
Big emotion
Little regulation
Confusion layered on top
💡 What I Was Told (And It Helped)
One of his caregivers (an Alzheimer’s LPN) told me:
👉 “Tell it like it is… but keep it simple”
Not:
Long explanations
Not overwhelming details
Just:
👉 Clear
👉 Calm
👉 Direct
🧠 How Someone with Alzheimer’s Processes Loss
It’s different.
💭 1. Immediate Emotional Reaction
Intense sadness
Anger
Fear
🔁 2. Repeated Grieving
This is the hardest part.
They may:
👉 Forget
👉 Ask again( 2 months later, still says "My Dad's dead?"
👉 Learn it again
👉 Grieve again
Over and over.
❓ The Question Everyone Asks
👉 “Do I tell them again?”
There is no perfect answer.
✔️ Some Choose:
Gentle reminders
Re-explaining each time
✔️ Others Choose:
Redirecting
Protecting them from repeated trauma
👉 Both are valid
It depends on:
Their emotional response
Their level of distress
Your ability to handle it
🪦 Funeral Decisions (Also Not Simple)
Do they go?
Ask yourself:
Will it comfort them?
Will it overwhelm them?
Will they understand what’s happening?
Sometimes:
👉 Being there helps
Other times:
👉 It creates more confusion and distress
⚖️ Your Grief vs. Their Grief
This is the part that breaks you.
👉 You are fully aware
👉 They are not fully processing
You are:
Grieving the loss
Managing logistics
Managing THEM
At the same time
💛 What I Learned
You cannot predict the reaction
You cannot control the moment
You can only prepare as best you can
And then…
👉 Ride it out
💡 Practical Tips (From Someone Who Lived It)
Keep explanations short
Stay calm (even when they’re not)
Have a plan before you speak
Feed them first (seriously—it matters)
Give yourself grace if it doesn’t go perfectly
🎵 Final Thought
“Would you know my name… if I saw you in heaven…”
They may not process loss the same way anymore.
But they still feel love.
And that still matters
💬 Disclaimer
I’m not a doctor or therapist—just a caregiver sharing real-life experience. This is not medical advice. Every situation is different, and you should do what feels right for your loved one and your family.
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