🎵 "The Dance" – EOA When They Don't Remember Marrying You(Garth Brooks)
This week is our anniversary.
Twenty-three years married.
Twenty-four years together.
Twenty-four years with my best friend.
The father of our children.
Jason and Alex's dad.
My husband.
The #1 GM Accessories representative in the Southeast for years.
The guy who could walk into any dealership and know every manager by name.
The guy who never forgot a birthday.
Never forgot an anniversary.
Never forgot me.
Now...
He's just trying to get through today.
❤️ Am I Selfish?
Some days I wonder.
Am I selfish for grieving someone who is still sitting beside me?
Am I selfish because I miss being someone's wife instead of someone's caregiver?
Am I selfish because I think about everything I'm losing too?
Maybe.
But I never imagined this would be our future.
I never imagined giving up so much.
And yet...
Here I am.
Fighting every day for him to remember me.
Us.
Our children.
Our life.
Twenty-four years.
💍 "Our Anniversary Is Coming Up..."
The other day, I reminded Rob that our anniversary was coming up.
He looked at me.
Confused.
"Really?"
That one word hit me harder than I expected.
Really?
I found myself trying to fill in the blanks.
"It's our anniversary."
"We've been together 24 years."
"We've been married 23."
I even made a little video of us talking about it (for me) because these moments disappear so quickly now.
🧠"Are You My Wife?"
We've been talking about our anniversary every night.
Not because I want a gift.
Not because I need flowers.
Because I need to prepare him.
We're taking the family out to dinner.
It'll be loud.
Probably a little chaotic.
But I know he'll love being together.
One night he looked at me and quietly asked:
"Are you my wife?"
I smiled.
"Yes."
Then he asked,
"How long have we been together?"
"Twenty-four years."
"Married twenty-three."
He got very quiet.
Then he said,
"Wow...I want to cry."
I asked,
"Why?"
He looked at me and said,
"Because I didn't remember that."
this same tale repeated over and over all week.
😳Thank you...
And then...
He thanked me.
He fucking thanked me.
For staying.
For helping him.
For being there.
There are moments in Alzheimer's that completely shatter you.
This was one of mine.
Because I don't want gratitude.
I want my husband.
I want the man who knew our anniversary before I did.
Who planned a dinner out, bought a card at least.
Who knew exactly who I was.
Instead...
The love of my life thanked me like I was doing him a favor.
And I smiled.
Because he needed me to smile.
Then I cried later and now while writing this.
Because I needed somewhere for the grief to go.
💔 Every Little Loss
People think Alzheimer's is one devastating event.
It isn't.
It's thousands of tiny heartbreaks.
An anniversary forgotten.
A wedding story gone.
A favorite vacation no longer remembered.
A family joke that doesn't make sense anymore.
Every little loss hurts.
Not because it's the biggest thing.
Because it's one more thing.
One more piece of your life together that disappears.
❤️ But Here's What He Still Knows
He may not remember our wedding.
He may not remember the year.
He may not remember how long we've been together.
But somewhere inside...
He still reaches for my hand.
He still smiles when I walk into the room.
He still feels safe beside me.
Love lives in places that memory sometimes can't reach.
And on the hardest days...
That's enough to keep me going.
🎵 Why "The Dance"
There's a line in the song that says:
"I could have missed the pain... but I'd have had to miss the dance."
If someone had told me 24 years ago where this journey would end...
Would I still have married him?
Honestly, I don't know, I feel like yes, because I would not give up my daughter and the great life we have had for that.
But now all I have is Alzheimer's rewriting the ending.
But it can never erase the life we built together.
Or the love that got us here.
💭 Final Thought- Happy F'in Versa Versary- the new life
If your spouse no longer remembers your anniversary...
Or your wedding...
Or even who you are...
Please remember this.
You are still their home.
Even when they can't find the words.
Even when they can't remember the dates.
Even when they have to ask if you're their wife.
Love isn't always stored in memory.
Sometimes it's stored somewhere much deeper.
And I hold onto that...
Especially this anniversary.
Happy Versa Versary, Rob.
"I'll remember enough for both of us."
💬 Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, lawyer, therapist, or expert—just a wife trying to figure this out one day at a time. Everything shared here is based on our experience and things that have helped us along the way. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and always check with professionals when needed. I also use AI to help clean up my writing, organize thoughts, and pull together resources because honestly… caregiver brains are tired too. If something here helps another family feel less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
Comments